Dear AirTran...

AirTran Airways
Customer Relations
1800 Phoenix Blvd
Suite 104
Atlanta, GA 30349

 

Dear AirTran...

You sly little thing. Yeah... you. Bragging about your wi-fi in-flight capabilities.

I think this is the start of a beautiful love/hate relationship. You see, the internet is my world. I eat, sleep and breathe it. I'm always on it- like white on rice, baby. And, until recently, my only method of escape was to fly your friendly skies. For some reason, those "series of tubes" just couldn't reach that high.

But now you've gone and changed that.

Thanks to your new partnership with Gogo Inflight Internet, I'm now watching the guy on my right surf for porn. And to my left, Osama Bin Whats-his-face is searching for free flight lessons on Craigslist. It's times like this when I wonder... which is more terrifying on a plane, the world wide web or those motherf****n snakes?

On a positive note, at least you did the best you could to make the program as unappealing an humanly possible. First off, most passengers learn their flight is wi-fi enabled at about the same time they realize there's no more storage space in the overhead bin. I mean, if it weren't for that little blue wi-fi logo located in the front cabin, we all may have missed out on this momentous opportunity! Of course, we should all vowge to save our money and purchase a few of your signature cocktails instead, Lord knows we're going to need it on this flight.

And what's up with the separate charges for mobile phone versus laptop? I mean, think about it. We're sitting in coach for a reason. We're either broke or extremely frugal. If I want to pay exhorbant fees for painfully slow internet access, I'll just wait till I get home and access my Roadrunner Turbo account.

Speaking of home, we've landed now. At least I hope that's what caused the loud thug and screaching brakes. It seems the pilot was too busy updating his facebook status to get a good look at the runway. Figures.

Sincerely,

Sunny Gault