Being "Patient" with Dentists (Part One)

When you're born with two huge dimples, people notice your smile. And with the name "Sunny", people expect you to smile... a lot. Which makes it extremely important to have nice teeth. Unfortunately, I was born with the worse pair of chompers courtesy of my parents, who have both paid dearly to have a set that are mostly fake and slightly yellow.

I purposely make a point to get to know my dentists. After all, I spend many hours sitting in their chairs, staring up into their nostrils. Plus, my bill alone could help send many of their kids to college. I've pretty much accepted this way of life. But sometimes something happens that makes you throw your hands up in the air and shout "WHY ME?"

This happened to me today. To no coincidence, I was sitting in the dentist's chair...

I had visited this dentist office before, about four years ago when I was under a different insurance plan. I knew I didn't like this place, but I couldn't remember why. They took a bunch of x-rays and I eagerly opened the latest issue of celebrity trash to keep me occupied. I was reading about why Jennifer Lopez wasn't wearing her wedding ring when he walked into the room. You know it's not good when your dentist sends the financial coordinator to give you the results of your exam. It's like sending the priest to tell you you've been diagnosed with cancer.

He started the conversation by saying "why have you been neglecting your teeth?" Whooaaa there tiger! If you want my money, you'll have to come up with a better opening line. And, you'll have to get your facts straight. Just by glancing at my x-rays you can clearly see I've spent more money on my teeth than the price to purchase a small country. I've had braces, fillings, extractions, root canals, veneers, caps and bridges, most of those within the last five years. And I'm neglecting my teeth? I have to work to support my tooth problem. It's like an addiction, but less fun.

Too bad these were all just thoughts in my head. I did, however, manage to give him the look of death.

He proceeded to tell me about all the money he wanted to take from me, by using decoys and big words like "periodontal irrigation" and "crown-porc to high noble". He also said my new bridge (from another dentist) was done incorrectly and another tooth would need be extracted if it wasn't fixed. Surprise, surprise. The good news is that, by law, my old dentist has to do the work for free since he made the mistake. GREAT!!! I get to see another dentist. That's exactly what I wanted! I'm starting to remember why I didn't like this place.

Next time, I'll demand dinner and a movie before I get screwed.